PHYLIS MARIE WHILTSHIRE'S TRIP TO....

CHINA!

Oh dear!  I am currently in the process of making a page on the World Wide Whiltshire about my trip to the wonderfually crusty country of China.  I have lived in the little village of Bayview and watched it grow from a beautifully white town to the chopstick haven that it is today.  We have more chinks in our little village than we have trees, dear1  Oh my STARS!

And now, let me begin by showing you, my dears, my photos from my trip.  Sit back, grab your steamed rice, and enjoy these sweet and sour chicken balls, dears!

My loving Husband Burt, and myself, landed in China after my wedding.  I wore a wonderful white dress and Burt gave me a coffin making kit and wood glue as a gift!  All I needed was some nails and durable wood... and wouldn't you know it,  dears, that my loving husband arranged a trip to a nail and wood factory!  Always a class act.

July 10 - 11, 2005

BEIJING

Beijing is the capital of China.  The air is so polluted, it is as yellow as the nippers that inhabit it dear!  But oh my stars wasn't it quaint!

This is our hotel in Beijing, can you spot me, riding a bike while eating some rice, dears?

Here I am, with Burt, touring the wood and nail factory.  Pictured, is my sister Desdemona.

Here I am with a big churner... the Chinks sure know how to churn some good butter!

Burt purchased tonnes of Hello Kitty items for his beloved grandchildren, of which there is 235

Here is Burt and Desdemona - they're picking out wood and nails for me.. I wanted maple, but Burt insisted on MDF corrugated recycled pulp!

My sister Doreen, at the churner.  Us Whiltshires simply are drawn to churners!

Afterwards, Burt and I picked out a coffin.  It looks like so:

Isn't it DREAMY?

Here were some friendly Chinks... is that Willy Hung?  Anyways, one told me I had a beautiful WAZOO!  I hope he meant that I had a nice personality!

Oh my STARS!  The Chinese are welcoming Burt and I to China!

After a busy day touring the wood and nail factory, we decided to do some tai chink, the ancient art of doing a stupid dance.

Can you spot me in the picture?  Burt looks so hot in his sock/sandal combo!  Oh my STARS!

July 12, 2005

CHINA

After touring the city of Beijing, we went for a drive to the cities of Shanghai, Kungpow and Chatchinxiu.  We encountered something surprising... did you know that the slanty eyed nippers can't drive?! I was shocked, oh my STARS!  Heavens to Betsy!

Oh my Stars!  Some nipper totalled our car... can you see my FPS hanging out of the seat there, dears?

July 13 - 16, 2005

SHANGHAI

Shanghai smells like stank ass fps dears, a little like the pink soap from the Dollarama.  I wonder if they realize how much they smell... perhaps this is why they all immigrate here to Canada...fucking chinks!

Oh DEAR!  Here is my hotel in Shanghai.  Burt said it was 5 star, but it was a little odd to see all the rats, the holes in the floor and the outhouse at a 5 star.  Oh, these chinks.  Can you spot me in the photo?

Oh my stars!  Rush hour at Shanghai's subway.  All those Chinky nerds had better cameras.  Can you spot me?

Here was my favourite little spot of home in China.  Delish, dears!  Though they had boiled carrots, I found them a little too spicey!

As you can see, the Chinese had very very VERY confusing signs.  I was lost in the bus terminal for days, and as a result, we had to cut a lot of things out of our itinerary.  Burt wasn't pleased, dears!

Burt took this photo of me in front of some chinky temple in Shanghai.  I blended in so well with the crowd!

After a busy few days of being lost, we made our way to Kungpow, home of the Great Wall of China.

July 17, 2005

KUNGPOW

Kungpow is the home of the Great Wall of China.  It was built to keep the Mongolians out of China... I was inspired after seeing it to build a similar wall to keep the nippers out of my neighbourhood.  Do you think it would work?  Or are there too many nippers in my beautiful Bayview?

Burt took this photo.  Can you find me?

I was searching for some free grass, to smoke and ease my FPS pain after Burt slammed me against the floor and chopped me up with a chainsaw and I found some.  It made my first time more special!  I LOVE YOU BURT!

After a busy day, we made our way to... whatever that last city was.  Who cares anyway, dears?  Those nippers.  Why didn't they just name it something lovely like Bayview? Oh my STARS!

July 18 - 20, 2005

Chatchinxiu - the shopping capital of China, as well as the home of the Emperor.  I had the chance to meet the head of the chinks.  He was nice, dears, but he smelled a bit to foul for my liking.  DEAR!

Here I am with some tourists - we're touring the nearby mountains.  Burt made me carry him on his back, but it was worth it!  That night, he locked me up in my room, punched me in the puss and smacked me so hard that my FPS was sore!  I love our foreplay!

Here I am with the Emperor of China - Willy Hung.  Apparently, dears, he also won some competition called ... no wait, he lost, in something called American Idol.  I'm not sure what it is dears, but I think it's prestigious!  Oh that's just grandma phyl talking there, dears!

After a busy day shopping, I purchased gifts for everything, including that little nancy boy that lived downstairs... what was his name? Oh yes, dears, Jeffrey.  What a pansy, but so cute!  I must confess, I kept a pair of his underwear that I sniff at night when my puss twinges!

REFLECTIONS...

and so dears, this brings my journey to an end.  That's all there is to it, and it was a trip of a lifetime!  And now I must retire to bed as Burt is insisting I try out my coffin.  He's even given me a drink with some mysterious white substance in it, it's making me woozy but I think that's just because I have been hit by the arrow of cupid! I love BuRT! 

I love you Burt, you're my ZAR STAR!

Kisses and love,

Grandma Phyl